Over the weekend my domain name expired. It made me realize how much i love this website. How much it means to me to have this space to share and record my life. The mundane and the exciting.

The thought that over a twenty four hour period anybody in the whole world could buy up drowninginkids.com had me in a panic. Luckily, it's not really a name many people, or anybody, wanted. So, it's mine for another three years. Phew.

This life in transition is going well. The hardest part is combining our lives again. Two homes to bring back together as one. Giving up my home will be hard. I love my little house and everything it means for me. The hard work i had to do to make it mine. The struggles and successes. The space of my own.

Combining our lives also means coming to terms with both of us having had other people involved in them. We have both had other relationships. Dealing with the range of emotions that brings is more than difficult. Nothing worth having is ever easy though.

It will be another long journey.

Over the past month my perspective on myself and my place in the world has changed. Not a subtle change, drastic.

Almost three years ago a depression began to creep it's way into my life. It was a slow spiral downwards that caught speed as it narrowed and left me in crisis one year ago. This year i spent in survival mode. Getting through each day. I thought i was doing well. I was doing well, but i wasn't seeing the world. I wasn't seeing the path of destruction that i left discarded behind me.

This past month i stopped and turned around. I opened my field of vision. I let everything in, the good, the bad and the ugly. I let the anger i've been carrying drop to the sides a little.

I have been blaming everyone for all my problems when, truth be told, i brought them all on myself. I looked at my husband and told him how truly sorry i am. I saw him clearly for the first time in almost a year as the man i married, the man i loved. I saw the hurt that has been tearing him apart. I saw his perfect heart, the heart i lost and i wanted it back.

I asked for it back and he gave it to me.