ABOUT ME

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May 28, 2007

i love you, hipster darling

I know you want to know how i'm feeling. How i am doing.

I feel censored by family reading this. I wish you wouldn't. Fading beauty is my only ticket.

But, screw that. This is my place. I pay for this. My space. My hipster place.

I re-broke my tailbone last week. The pain has reminded me of all my insecurities. I can't run and play like i want to. I have no excuse to avoid people. I can't sit. I can't run. I can't do cartwheels.

I booked my ticket to BlogHer today. Fuck.

Since i've been dumped by my psychiatrist and my social worker i feel. I feel sad. Everybody leaves me. Just at that moment i'm ready to tell you everything, to cry, to be human, you are gone.

Why can't anyone take that breath and then come back to me.

Happy Birthday Eric. I love you.


Posted by drowninginkids at 10:14 PM Permalink

Comments (6)

deb

it is a struggle to figure out that line when you find out who reads.

sending you love as always, i think about you and wonder how the day is going.

i don't get why everyone dropped you so quickly? doesn't seem so theraputic but then i don't know anything about what is going on for you.....sounds "normal" to feel abandoned to me my friend

Posted by deb | May 28, 2007 11:14 PM

Woman Lost

That is the million dollar question, isnt it?

Posted by Woman Lost | May 29, 2007 3:41 AM

useless rambler

just wanted to say that i hear you... i was just talking to my husband last night about how, knowing my family reads my blog, i can't write what i really want to write.

i stumbled across your blog and i am so glad i did. i've been trying to catch up through the archives... i've put you in my favs (this is big for me, as i'm completely new to blogging)

hang in there... you're not really alone... at least, in some ways

Posted by useless rambler | May 29, 2007 4:10 AM

Her Bad Mother

It's so banal to say - I almost hate saying it - but I so totally get this. Who listens, who doesn't, why can't we control this?

Posted by Her Bad Mother | May 29, 2007 5:19 PM

Angela

I haven't commented in a long time and don't comment a lot on my blog reads. But I read you everyday. I wonder how you are doing, I am curious why your therapist people dumped you. It seems so quick to me. You make me feel hopeful (odd I know, but if you can have four children, a husband, live far from the city, struggle with depression and survive and keep writing about it, I figure I can have hope I will survive my only child, husband, and life in Montana).

All that to say...Thank you for being honest. Life isn't always funny, it just isn't. Your voice is of value.

Posted by Angela | May 29, 2007 7:52 PM

Loralee

I haven't been reading for a long time, but I have to write and tell you that I appreciate your writing a lot. I have been there, right there, and while I hate that there are other people who have also experience the staggering load that comes with serious depression it makes it less lonely to know there are people who understand without judgment.

Posted by Loralee | May 30, 2007 4:00 PM

Best Buys!