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July 25, 2007

more with the questions

May I ask more - I haven't read all of your blog - but can you tell me about your extended family and in-laws. What are they like? Do they love close-by? Who is your favourite person in the world (apart from hubby and kids) - and why?

My in-laws live about two hours away by car and ferry. They are amazing and supportive. Grandma babysits regularly.

My family lives about five hours away by car and ferry. They too are amazing. I don't talk about them out of a shared agreement.

My favourite person in the world is my pal christle. She is one of those amazing women who are caring, empathetic, funny, fun to be around, understanding and an awesome parent. She is even the guardian of my kids. She is my only real and honest friend around here.


What is it that you think will help your depression if you don't believe in therapy, pills. Do you think the depression will go away on its own or that you'll learn to live with it?

I think honesty will help me. I don't like therapists because they try to fit me into a mold. It's like the educational system that is taught on a median. It works for most of the kids. I am not like other people and all the talk in the world won't make me open up to a complete stranger. That takes years.

I am still on medication.

I don't think it will go away on it's own - well it could. But, i am working hard to improve the life around me. How i see and hear the world. My expectations. Everything. I am in no way leaning back hoping for help to come to me. I have a lot to live for. I want to live for. I am going to be better.


I am off like a dirty shirt at 5am tomorrow and due to arrive in Chicago around 7pm. Regularly scheduled navel gazing will be interrupted by gossip and snap judgments based solely on appearance.


Posted by drowninginkids at 10:36 PM Permalink

Comments (211)

"...gossip and snap judgments based solely on appearance."

Looking forward to it! I hope you get through the weather issues and have a blast once you get there.

I'm in no position to give advice myself, but I worry that by thinking you can "fix things" all by yourself, that you're setting yourself up for feeling like a failure if you're not perfect.

Victoria

In your previous post somebody asked you about your belief in God... I'm not going to attempt to evangelize you or anything, but you questioned why God allows so much suffering in the world. The way I understand it is that when we are troubled and feeling lost, that is when we usually turn to Him the most. To ask for guidance, help, forgiveness, etc. at our weakest moments. If we were perfectly happy all of the time, we probably wouldn't have those conversations with God, attempt to grow closer to Him, or even acknowledge Him at all. Guess it's all stuff that boils down to faith (which I can't claim to have 100% of the time).

I will say this, even though I used to have thoughts of suicide when I was in high school, no matter how far I fall into the pit of despair now, my Catholic fear of eternal Hell is what keeps me from ever taking my own life. It's looked at as one of the worst things possible because not only are you completely rejecting God for having created you, but it's a sin that you can never go back and ask His forgiveness for. It may sound hokey, but I don't want to kill myself and find out that there really IS a Hell! LOL!

So, just to finish my rant, there's a song by a group called Casting Crowns called "Every Man" that you might like. Yes, it's a Jesus song, but the first 2/3 of it just talk about everyday life...

"I'm the man with all I've ever wanted
All the toys and playing games
I am the one who pours your coffee,
corner booth each Saturday
I am your daughter's favorite teacher
I am the leader of the band
I sit behind you in the bleachers
I am every man

I'm the coach of every winning team
and still a loser in my mind
I am the soldier in the airport facing giants one more time
I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life
I'm every broken man, nervous child, lonely wife

Is there hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man
Is there love that never dies
Is there peace in troubled times
Someone help me understand
Is there hope for every man

Seems there's just so many roads to travel, it's hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled
Now I'm scared to take the leap
If I could find someone to follow who knows my pain and feels the weight
The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clBsFiFWgFk

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