one and all

It's been a bit of a rough week. Adjusting to working nights, early school mornings and a loss of any alone time has been stress-inducing.

Shane and i rarely see each other as he leaves before i get up and i am gone to work when he arrives home. It is stress-inducing. Adding that i am still in the midst of "busy" season and working long hours and extra shifts.

I am feeling like a stranger in my own town because of the changes in schools. It reminds me of when we first moved up here and i was so lonely. I am reminded again of the lack of friends i have, yet my inability, or desire, to do anything about it.

My heart is aching a bit.

Shane hates my work hours. He wouldn't ask, but i know he doesn't want me to work. I want to work. I like having money. I like buying the groceries and clothes for the kids with my own money. I like being able to think about buying an iphone without having to ask for permission. Not working was one of the top five contributing factors to my depression. Maybe not "working" so much as independence, freedom and getting out of the house.

I see the kids, except parker, for about an hour a day on my workdays and then on my days off i am so wiped out that all i can manage is to be their taxi service and food delivery system. I know it is just the first week of school and there is way too many things going on and we all will adjust - it's just, well, stressful.