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October 23, 2008

autumn

practice flight

I am touched by the beauty around me. It has been the most beautiful autumn i can recall. The colours are vivid, popping to the point of surreal perfection. The glow of dusk leaving me dizzy. It has been cold and sunny - my very favourite weather combination. Scarves and cardigans, thick socks and knee high boots.

I am touched and moved to tears by everyday moments. The kids skipping out of school. Boys wrestling in the evenings. The determination in my daughters eyes as she struggles to get around on crutches. Little boys in halloween costumes.

I feel emotional. Moody to the point of exhaustion.

When you break a persons heart it is very hard to mend that heart. A heart can be torn and stretched and filled, but it has its limit. Eventually it will break. Things have been hard in this house. There is anger flowing and filling in those broken spots. We work through the days to protect the children from all the sorrow, the loss of something magical. We work through the nights, talking, crying, avoiding. We wake as exhausted as we fell. A relentless circle.


Posted by drowninginkids at 1:15 PM Permalink

Comments (4)

Stacy

I really admire your strength and ambition to face something so painful head-on. Your faith in love is tangible. I wish you all the very best.

It's a great autumn here too on the East Coast! LOVE this time of year!!!

Posted by Stacy | October 23, 2008 3:12 PM

jenijen

I've been thinking about you so much lately. Autumn is wonderful here in northern california, too.
xoxo

Posted by jenijen | October 23, 2008 8:19 PM

mom2

I pray that you stay strong and work this through. I went through a similar situation in my marriage many years ago and like the cliche' says, time does heal wounds. Have you tried getting outside help , ie. marriage conselor?

Posted by mom2 | October 23, 2008 8:51 PM

marian

Jess, We are all addicted, as humans, to holding on to the past and to cherishing our grievances instead of letting them go.

Revisiting the past is a dead end, and eventually, it has to stop. It's an act of will and a leap of faith to leave the past in the past and move on--see each other fresh each day, clean slate. I think it is probably the only way.

But each one has to make that resolve to stop picking the scab open and to just let it heal. The past is over. It doesn't exist unless you keep bringing it back in the mind.

Posted by marian | October 24, 2008 3:55 AM

Best Buys!