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October 27, 2008

Re: stacks

white

I'm having a difficult time seeing the forest for the trees.

The unsettled feeling in the air. The economy, our elections, your elections, famine, disaster, random acts of violence, poverty. It seems so simple, how to fix things. But sometimes the fixing is so much harder than the living with.

I am sorry. So sorry that a thing that was once pure and magical was destroyed by me. I am sorry that the world is being destroyed as well. I am sorry that the future my children could have had is gone now. I am sorry that we all lost our innocence, our childish thinking that everything would work out fine.


Posted by drowninginkids at 9:51 PM Permalink

Comments (215)

jenijen

i've been thinking about you so much lately, hoping you are okay. i miss you. i'm rooting for you. i believe that things will work out fine, even if they look different than we thought they would. xoxoxo

Posted by jenijen | October 27, 2008 10:13 PM

Claudia

You may have lost your innocence in some way, but certainly not in every way.

Things change. That doesn't mean that everything's asunder.

Sometimes we simply have to let go of our concepts, our dreams. Yes. This is the hardest part. Walk right through and follow your path.

Your children (and you) may not live in the way you intended, but this doesn't mean that you all won't be happy. You love your children, and they KNOW.
Everything will work out fine, which way ever.

Keep your chin up!
Cheers, Claudia

Posted by Claudia | October 28, 2008 3:39 AM

angelina

Jess,
You know what there is nothing wrong with seeing the trees. a tree is beautiful, stop and really notice the tree, the forest will take care of itself.
I encourage you to go to my blog and read. http://toblogtoday.blogspot.com Truth be told, I started it after Jenelle told me about your blog, so thank you. It really has been years since I saw you, but I saw then a spark that was very bright. The Buddhist have a saying, "If it is dark, light a candle"

Posted by angelina | October 28, 2008 3:44 AM

marian

Jess, these down phases can be short lived unless you start embroidering them with thoughts like "something pure and magical was destroyed by me" and "the world is being destroyed." Notice how your thinking is deepening the down cycle. You can shake that off and come back into the present moment at any time. Things may be difficult, but they are still workable and there is peace to be found away from the self-tormenting inner dialogue.

Posted by marian | October 28, 2008 3:46 AM

Deanna

There is no sorry. There is only moving on. And trying to do better next time. We can't ever change the past, we can only seize the future!

Posted by Deanna | October 28, 2008 9:38 AM

fiona

Its interesting how are thoughts can consume our body and mind....but if we take each day as it comes and find a little piece of happiness from that whatever way it presents itself, thats what life is about...that song on the radio that reminds you of another day, the smile your child gives you when they come home from school, the kiss your husband gives you before bed...these are the things that I live for and that make all of my wrong doings ok...we all have dark days...remember the sun and it will lift your spirit...we are not perfect, we are human and with humanity comes room for error and for fault...

I read your blog often, Jess, and wish we had time this summer to talk...I wish you nothing but true happiness, thats what you deserve..

hugs...fiona

Posted by fiona | October 28, 2008 3:11 PM

dq

I agree with marian. we've read this descent into "sorry for me" before. Get some help to stop this cycle! You owe it to your children!

Posted by dq | October 29, 2008 10:59 AM

dq

Oops that sounded harsh. I just really want for you to feel progress and not regression. Please don't self-torment... it's a downward spiral. Seek help, ask for support. Look for the cyce back upwards again!

Posted by dq | October 29, 2008 11:05 AM

dq

Oops that sounded harsh. I just really want for you to feel progress and not regression. Please don't self-torment... it's a downward spiral. Seek help, ask for support. Look for the cycle back upwards again!

Posted by dq | October 29, 2008 11:06 AM

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