imago

I am feeling a little overwhelmed.

The shopping, the working, the snowing. Oh yes, the snow. It started last saturday and hasn't really stopped since. Snow never lasts this long and we are set for super cold temperatures and more snow through the weekend. How am i going to finish all my shopping? And let's not forget the wrapping.

Sometimes all of this is a nice distraction from the stuff that's going on behind the scenes. The tears, the anger, the love. The counseling. Oh my, the counseling. It is such a huge stretch for me. Having to speak as a child, as an adult. Trying so hard to let forth, to summon the courage to speak. Counseling has always been very hard for me because it requires so much talking. Talking about myself. Talking about myself to a stranger. All these personal boundaries i have. All of them have to be disregarded in order for counseling to work.

And sometimes it does work. A little light of understanding goes on. The "ah-ha" moment when you realize that maybe, just maybe, you're not totally insane, that there are reasons why you are who you are.

Other times it is simply impossible for me to do an exercise. I feel like a skunky child in those moments. "I will not participate and YOU can't make me." Those times? There's no lights going on.