Thinking back over this past year fills me with such depths of emotion. The thrill, returning from BlogHer last year and knowing that i was ready to try and rekindle my marriage, kickstart an epic romance.
And when we did that dance of "should i shouldn't i" we found ourselves sitting face to face on the balcony late at night. We poured out or souls to each other. All of the regrets. All of the apologies. We held each others hands and committed to our best shot. Toasted to the promises that we made each other in 1995 on our wedding day.
A few days later i posted an infamous post on twitter "yo, married again." And we were greeted with thunderous applause. Everywhere we went people congratulated us, were genuinely happy to see a family reconnected.
But quickly, too quickly it started to change. The love changed. As i watched each leaf fall from the trees last autumn i felt like little bits of hope were dropping from my life. Doubt turned to fear and fear turned to anger. By christmas we were living as roommates, almost as strangers. I would look at him across the table in the morning, at dinner, at counseling and wonder "who is this man?"
The love we had, the love we hoped for, the love we wanted seemed beyond fingers reach.
And suddenly i realize i am going to BlogHer again in one short week. And i am not married again.
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