another wasted night

I have been having a rough time lately. I think it's like a coming down.

I have had many hours alone. I'm not sure why i didn't in september and october. I think my kids are sick too often and there are too many professional days.

I have spent a lot of time in bed over the past two weeks. I have felt myself unraveling. A losing of footing.

Things could have been so well, they were going well back in july. I had a house, i had a life. I was feeling happy and confidant.

One by one everything has gone to shit.

You know all that.

In the past week i have expertly removed every single person who cares about me and who i care about from my life.

I have screamed "i just want to be alone."

I am having a little breakdown and i am totally present in it. I am not denying it or playing it down. I am letting it happen.

And then i will better.