i push, i pull, the days, go slow

i am so tired of this loneliness

then answer your phone asshole.

i can't. i can't.

i don't know what to say. i'm afraid of what i might say.

he said you're making it hard for him

there is nothing i can do about that. all i can do these days is sleep, work, parent and sit in my bed and participate in this endless void of both heady and lowly banter. i don't have the mental capacity to even begin to address those words, the audacity of them.

you put your angel wing necklace on again

i need it. i feel at the end of my rope. i can't take another single thing.

i still have so many things to deal with before life becomes, even remotely, normal. i don't even know what normal might look like anymore.

i did kick parenting ass today. that was a start. and i took some vitamins. and i bought some decorations.

i am not going to blow this holiday season off. i am going to make it lake house awesome. all cinnamon and pine scented.

the phone is ringing. you want to talk to this person. answer the phone.

i can't.