anything you wanna do

I've been in a blank space in my head when it comes to writing. Stuck again in that rut of too much to say and no privacy with which to say it.

The problem with this public forum is the absolute publicness of it. It's not that i want to hide anything, it's the not wanting to hurt anyone.

As my life becomes more my own i find myself coming to an understanding of the past two years.

I have realized in the past few weeks i don't need your forgiveness. or yours. or yours.

I need to forgive myself. Something i am close to doing.

In my life i have never really been single. I have jumped from one relationship to another, often before the other was over. I emotionally detach and throw my heart into something else. It may be a new lover, it may be an unavailable crush, it may be an activity, it may be children, it may be sadness or longing.

I have never sat in a place where i am happy to just be me. Me without any ties to something that i need acknowledgement or recognition from. Even here. I have, at times, written with the express intent for a reaction.

That is not an honest place to be writing from.

The strongest words i have ever said have come straight from the heart without care or expectation.