it was a party, it was a night, it was a life lesson

My house is warmed. Today, today, i feel all settled in. I can feel a shift deep inside me. I feel calm. I feel like i am at the starting line of something.

It's not a race. I don't feel a need to go anywhere, do anything. Just to start. To start again. It feels great.

I had a party on saturday night. I had such a lovely time. Sometime around midnight all my friends and co-workers had arrived and i sat for a moment and realized this is it. This is my life. There were only about 15 people there. And that was enough.

Before the party i was feeling anxious as i am want to do.

What if nobody comes? I don't have any friends.

But, there, in my kitchen around midnight i realized that these are my friends and they are more than enough. They are the people i care about. The ones who have stood by me through everything. The ones who don't judge. The ones who have seen me at my best and at my worst.

And i was happy to have them there. To share a little bit of a crazy night with.